i wonder..
My lyrics of the day.
And I would lie here in the trenches with your picture next to me
And when I told you it's forever, then it's how it's gonna be
Don't, won't let him just take the place of me (No...)
Does he really know you like I know you, all the little things?
Does he really love you, like I love you, how can he compete?
If he makes me fight for you, die for you, would he do the same?
This is turning into way more than a game...
Now it feels like soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battleground
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war
You know he's not the man you think he is; he's hiding all his flaws
So tell me what's the point of fighting? Because we'll all end up with scars
But girl if that's what I must go through, then I'm not prepared to lose
Cause I've already bled so much for you (No...)
Does he really know you like I know you, all the little things?
Does he really love you, like I love you, how can he compete?
If he makes me fight for you, I die for you, would he do the same?
Baby this is turning into way more than a game...
Baby cause we're soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battleground
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war (No, No...)
Getting kind of sick of this battle
Wish I could take it back to when I had you
I'm always thinking that I can have you, just let him have you
It's getting kinda hard to convince you
After all the shit that we've been through
What, would you let all this happen?
You gotta choice to make it stop
It's already going too far...
Girl we're soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battleground
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war...
As Always, Life Is Full of Esther. => Hope u stay happy.
my dear, Even if u leave for someone, i can only feel that i can't do what he can do.
.
I know u won't read anymore.. But i have to say this. Many things about me i still don't understand well. I can't get my thoughts straight because i still am confused about what i m doing. Every time i meant well comes out to be an awful outcome. i am always straight-forward. Doing things and regretting it later. I never really understand why i m like this but i guess no one will. Sometimes i really regret not thinking about what i m going to do because everything will go wrong for sure. Now that its too late, I have to clear some stuffs. i never meant those words at all. I know u won't care already because i already said it. I know i hurt u again and again. Now that i get it, I just realize I have yet again blown everything away. I don't deserve to say i love you anymore because i have not proven it. Yet again..
Look at myself.How fail can i get.
Back to my knees now, everything went back to before. Get the motivations from an unexpected person, my aunt. I was shock when she told me she also suffer from motionless body halfway thru slp. It scare the hell out of her and she told me that those who have it will be more fearless in the future cus not many ppl have it.
******************************************************
All i need is some time to rest myself with things i need to sort out. Now i no longer want to learn from others. I will experience it on my own without anyone teaching me. Maybe i fall down because i always thought i was right. I failed and maybe it hurt me now but nothing is not worth trying from now on. Too late is no longer the word for me.Hope when i m back, i m a totally new person. this chorus is dam meaningful to me now.
"if we crawl, till we can walk again, then we will run, until we are strong enough to jump, then we will fly.. until there is no wings, so lets crawl, crawl, crawl, back to love."
Till then, its time to be a real......
Y m i twisting and turning? i m not being smart.
I don't want you to sacrifice just because you want to protect your friends. Don't you understand what everyone wants? They just want to see you living well and not protect them by using your own life as an options. Ever wonder what people will feel after you die? Stop being selfish thinking that after you die you don't feel anything but do you know the pain of people that are left behind? There's more suffering than protection. If you really want to protect someone, do it alive. If not you are not protecting people. Thats all.
x.END.x
Dear life, 17 years have just past. In the first three years in secondary school, i didn't see any importance in friends because I was treated more like a worthless person than a friend. People make use of my to buy food and drinks for them. I was like their servant. I see meaningless in friends.My time have been wasted on people who treats me like rubbish. After the three years, i have been used to doing things for people and gain nothing in return. I feel numb in friendship because nothing is real. I used to be arrogant, proud.Over-confidence was obvious, this is the factor that people hated me a lot. I have made a true friend when i was secondary one but i didn't realize it until i was in secondary four. Many things change in secondary four when i finally have been able to find really good friends. And I know that only a few are my friends right now. I don't mind naming them because i m proud to be their friend.My dearest friends are Jia Leong, Jun Kai, Norman, Benjamin Cho, Wei Liang, Qi Hao, Jun Jie and Jian Howe.
To my good pal Jia Leong, you always have spare time to go out with me even if you are busy on some days. You never see me as an annoying person and even if i disturb you, you will forget about it like instantly. Know you since Sec 1, starting we only are soccer pals but now you are my good pal.
To Jun Kai, The person who treats me differently from other classmates. He is the first person who i see as someone with a unique attitude in life. Deep secrets are surrounding you but you will still hide it anyhow. Maybe i like to joke about you but you know that i am never serious about anything. Well, maybe u didn't care that much too so it makes it fun to be around with.
To Norman. The first friend that i feel that added colour to my transparent body. After the Cathay work i introduced, I will never ever in my life expect you to return me a message, a long meaningful message, of gratitude. It's the first time anyone, really anyone, would show me he really appreciate such a small thing i have done.
P.S.Maybe you have forgotten about it but it will stay in my mind forever.
To Ben Cho. The Cheezy of my life! HAHA. A really good friend that i know from secondary one but we only hangout on NCC occasions. Should have hangout with you more!!
To Wei Liang. For remembering me even though we only knew for 1 1/2 years. You are totally different from people who forgets me instantly when i left school. You are important!!! HAHA.
To Qi Hao. The very protective friend that is the greatest friend i have. A very strong and soft-hearted person. His kindness is always there and he helped me a lot. My number one friend!!
To Jian Howe. a important friend that is funny at times. haha. still rmb early morning roti prata? LOL?
to all my friend, thanks for enduring my linkless lame jokes. haha. lets remember the old times and look forward to the future tgt!! =]
TYVM.
Hellos! Yesterday in the wee hours, Jia Leong called me out for supper. LOL. In the end i watch him finish eating his noodle before eating my dim sum. My 100 Plus turns bitter after i ate one piece of my dim sum. taste so awful. Went home at around 3am. We both didn't slept much because we went to play pool at 11am. =x The weather was super hot. Walked to Yishun Safra sweating like crazy. When we are inside the pool area, Its super cold. x.x For the first 3 games, He owned me. -.- then i came back to 3-3. ended up i still lose with 9-7. a bit unfair to him because his tyco doesnt count but mine count. We even compete to see who can clear all the balls in the shortest round. but still we miscount so we draw on that. After that we fought in 9 balls!! first set i win 5-2!!! second set i win again with 5-3!!!! =P. After that we went for our meals. Quite a relaxing day! Hope to enjoy another day of this again!!!
P.S.1 month of greatness.
The first month!! really has been great hearing from you everyday, no matter you were happy, sad, angry or piss, you are still the same sweet gal i will love forever. Time flies and we will look forward as time not only flies, it will improve our love for each other more. be it any emotions, I will stay by your side forever. Even though i may look small, but my soul will be big and strong so i can stay on to protect you from anything.. Love you. On and on..
[Esther]
[Huai Min]
[Jun Jie]
[Derrick]
September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 June 2010